Breathe Forever
by yesliterally
Summary: Alex reacts to the news about Izzie's illness. One shot. Missing scenes from "Stand By Me" 5.18


Metastatic melanoma. Months to live. Refusing treatment.

Cristina's words repeated themselves in Alex's head as he tried to grasp exactly what she had said.

"Karev?" Bailey's voice shook him out of the trance he had unconsciously fallen into. "Alex why don't you step out. I'll assist." She could tell that his brain was not in the hernia surgery. He looked at her numbly and nodded, handing over the instruments in his hands. His eyes met Cristina's once more, and she could see the cloud of fear that had formed over his face. Then without a word, he backed out of the OR.

While scrubbing out, his whole body buzzed with a feeling far to familiar. That feeling that he always got before when the world caved in around him. It had happened before, twice, but he knew that this would bury him far deeper than his mothers insanity or the Jane Doe/Ava/Rebecca fiasco ever would.

He wasn't sure why or how, but he wound up in the tunnels. He knew he should go to Izzie, convince her to fight this thing, convince her to fight for him. For them. But his fear got the better of him. Pacing around the empty hallway, he fought to get his emotions under control.

He was happy. For the first time in his whole entire life, things seemed to be going right. His career was full of potential. He lived in a great house. He had the perfect woman who he was able to fully let into his heart. Now she was dying and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to save her.

He placed both of his hands against the brick wall opposite the gurneys. Taking a few deep breaths, he let it all out. The tears formed and the floodgates opened and he couldn't stop them. Crying like a little girl, he had onced called it. This time, he could not care less who caught him.

It was Meredith who, about an hour later, happened upon his lost form, sitting against the wall on the floor, head in his hands.

"Alex?" He could hear the concern in her voice. She sat down beside him, placing a hand on his back. "Alex, what happened?"

"It's Izzie. Metastatic melanoma. Stage four." He wiped his eyes and attempted to keep the waver from his words. He knew that Meredith wouldn't judge him, but he wanted to be strong for Izzie. He looked up into his tiny friends eyes, and saw shock and fear on her face. He suddenly didn't feel so alone.

"Oh, my God. Where is she? When did she tell you?"

"She didn't. Cristina did. Right before the surgery. Bailey kicked me out." He sighed as Meredith took in his words. He didn't want to talk anymore. He knew that and she wouldn't force him. Rather, he felt two arms move around him and the tears came again.

Down the hall, she noticed Cristina standing at a distance, watching. Meredith ever so slightly shook her head. Cristina, able to read her mind nodded and retreated. The friends sat there in silence until he knew what he had to do.

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He found her in the locker room, sitting on a bench with her back to him as he hovered in the doorway. "Iz?" he spoke quietly, treading carefully, not really knowing what to say or how to say it.

"She told you."

"Yeah."

Izzie turned to face him, her eyes uncertain and filled with fear that mirrored his own. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I just ... I couldn't. I was scared. I told her because I knew that she would be able to handle it. I thought I was protecting you and Meredith and George."

He nodded but remained silent and still. He stared and her and she stared back, their eyes speaking volumes without them ever saying a word. He knew that she was trying to keep from hurting him, and she knew that it did hurt him, but that he wasn't going anywhere. He wasn't going to run or freak out. He was going to be there til the bitter end.

That knowledge made a small smile appear on her face as she turned back toward her locker. her hand automatically moved to her name badge first. A sigh escaped her lips. "This may be the last day I get to be a doctor, Alex." She couldn't stop the tears from forming as she unclipped the badge and put it in her locker.

When she turned back around, she found that Alex wasn't alone. Dr. Bailey was standing there in silence beside him. Dr. Webber joined them at that moment, sending her a sympathetic look, and then glancing over at Alex, monitoring his reaction. Alex just stared first down at the floor, and then back up at her, giving her the little bit of strength she needed to keep moving.

After collecting her things, Dr. Webber and Dr. Bailey led them up to the Oncology floor, where a room had been set up for Izzie. Alex's hand tightly held onto her's, the contact giving her the will to fight this thing head on.

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Later that night, Alex watched her sleep. The others had come and gone, some had come again, but he wasn't going anywhere. Truth be told, he couldn't go home. He couldn't sleep in the a cold bed alone. So instead, he sat next to her, his hand gripping her hand and watch her breathe.

Deep in his mind, he secretly wished that they could stay like that for eternith, and that he could watch her breathe forever. 


End file.
